I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize