If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
