Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
