so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
