I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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