if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize