You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
