you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
They took my balls.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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