I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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