They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
