it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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