do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
