and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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