I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
