dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
