You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
