Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize