He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize