omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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