...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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