Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sober January is a disaster.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
