Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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