guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
