I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just puked most of my soul out..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize