EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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