So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how can u be prego again
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
