I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize