conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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