I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
