Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
people are starting to question the shark bite story
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize