did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
