He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
