so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
