my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
