Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
