I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
