I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Im part way to drunk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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