alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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