everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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