He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
