You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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