BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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