tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
where am i from again
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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