I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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