He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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