Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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