Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
me + whiskey = a bad person
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
