Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize