I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
