just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
