Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
and she was petting her beer can
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
