Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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