She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
