I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
