My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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