All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
