My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize