I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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