Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
