im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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