there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
