Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
