I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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