She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
