I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I forget how to act sober
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize