I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
