You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I forgot how hot balto sounded
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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