So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
