Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
