First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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