oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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