I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize