dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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