Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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