um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
