just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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