she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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