i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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